caregivers

Creating Body-Positive Yoga Practice

by Aubrey Butts

You know it's January when every other ad is a diet-based, fitness-frenzied gimmick. Resolutions are set and broken and food policing is rampant. As a yoga instructor, and someone in recovery from over ten years in eating disorder hell, the new year is a hard time. I don't want to discount how powerful yoga was for me in my healing process but I also want to encourage anyone curious about yoga to be mindful about what they are being "fed" about the practice. At the gym this morning, there was an hour long infomercial about a yoga DVD program that was basically a weight loss program with postures. If you search Pinterest for yoga sequences, 75% or so are about "getting abs,” "losing back fat,” "toning up,” or achieving a "yoga booty." The way Western culture has adopted these ancient practices can be problematic, but for today's purpose, let me narrow it down to six ways you can establish a more body-positive practice at home or in the class you attend. 

Note: many of these tips can be translated to any fitness class you attend.

  1. Connect with the breathe and let it be the guide.  Yoga is a union of the body, mind and the soul, and the breathe is the embroidery stitching the three together. Start with the breathe and continue to connect to the inhale and exhale anytime the mind wanders, especially to any thoughts of body shaming.
     
  2. Set an intention at the beginning of your practice. Whether this is before your personal practice at home or at the start of class, spend a few moments in quiet reflection of what brought you to your mat. What was your inspiration, motivation, or hope? How would you like to feel during and after practice? Is there something heavy on your heart that needs relief? Someone you want to send well wishes to? Maybe a sore body part? Whatever it is for you, intention will make the movement more meaningful.
     
  3. Check in with how you feel after the practice, the goal is to feel expansive, not depleted. In general do you feel better about your body? Not just how it looks or even what it can do, but do you feel more at home in your body? Are you present with the sensations that arise, more attuned to your emotions and your unique needs throughout the day? Are you inspired to tend to your whole self and not just your body?  Or do you leave feel flustered? Do you find yourself feeling more rigidity or guilt around food after your practice? Do negative body image thoughts increase throughout the day? Is the practice adding to your heart or taking away?
     
  4. If it feels "off"-- adjust or stop, knowing that you can always come back to the practice another time.  You have the right to stop your practice early, to leave the class, or to adjust the sequence to fit what you need that day. A good instructor will hold space for you to show up just as you are and to tailor the practice to exactly what you need moment by moment. An "advanced" yogi knows when they need to rest in child's pose.
     
  5. Find a community that promotes body positive beliefs. Notice how you feel in the studio, what sort of ads do you see and what kind of talk do you hear. This may be a clue about the community of the studio. Seek communities where you feel safe, heard and seen just as you are. Seekers of growth, not just to weigh less. 
     
  6. Allow yourself time to play. A set class with an instructor who inspires you is a beautiful thing, but do not discount the value and fun of just getting on your mat (or the floor, the grass, the beach...) and just moving your body. Let the breathe be your guide (see, I said it again...) and explore, whether it turns into a sun salutation, another asana, or maybe not a "real" yoga pose at all, let yourself play. After all, as one of my teachers said, it's not yoga if you're not smiling.

"I'm Thankful You're Not Me"

by Adriana Lewis


As Thanksgiving nears it starts to be a time where people reflect on their life and be thankful for everything they have. This year I’m thankful for those who are not like me and do not live like me.  I’m thankful for those who will actually enjoy their thanksgiving meal and eat their dessert. I’m thankful for those who will focus on time spent with family and not time spent on what and how much they ate. I’m thankful for those who will eat leftovers for days to come. I’m not thankful however, that this will not be me.


While those around me enjoy their meal I’ll stress out over every forkful I put into my mouth. I’ll appoint my husband my food body guard and push me out of the way of any dessert that may try to “endanger” me. I’ll focus on whether or not my family saw me put that third spoonful of mashed potatoes into my mouth or whether or not I finished my stuffing. Instead of leftovers I’ll eat lettuce and carrots for days to make up for me feast, which quite honestly probably will be a normal sized plate of food but to me seem like the Mt. Everest of dinners. This will be my Thanksgiving.


I’m told it is a mindset and I have the power to change it. If that were the case this article wouldn’t be written. My Thanksgiving would look like the typical American Thanksgiving. My fear is that I’ll never be able to change and be thankful for the same reasons everyone else is.. I know one day I may not be here to express my thanks if I continue on the path I’m on. One day at a time I suppose and hopefully one day will be a year from Thursday when I can say “today I’m thankful for my meal.”


Click here for Eating Disorder Resources. | Click here to visit #RecoveryUncovered

Get Your Tickets for Coloring Outside the Lines

Saturday, November 4th from 12 noon to 2 p.m. at Kazoo Books, 2413 Parkview Ave.


Local coloring book author Heidi Limburg will be on hand to talk about how to hand draw your own coloring book. Coloring pages and art supplies will be provided.


Colorful snacks along with handcrafted nonalcoholic beverages created by Angie Jackson the “Traveling Elixir Fixer” will be provided. The Traveling Elixir Fixer is known for her incredibly creative drinks infused with farm fresh herbs and fruits.


Tickets are $5 per person and can be purchased by clicking here.

http://www.southwestmichiganeatingdisorders.org/coloring-ticket

Bring a friend and enjoy a fun afternoon of relaxing coloring activities to support a great cause.

Direction: Away from Perfection

By Delaney Novak


All year SMEDA has been documenting several people's recovery journeys on our Instagram, #RecoveryUncovered, we are also featuring recovery stories on our blog. Here is Delaney's story.


What if I told you you’ll never be perfect?


Some shrewd, insightful human beings may shrug their shoulders, say something about how perfection is overrated and extremely uninteresting: “How pedestrian of you!” one of these levelheaded individuals might scoff as they go on their merry way.


Well I’m here to tell you that those individuals do not have eating disorders. What does that mean?


That means that half of you reading this are not those people, and the other half: you’re reading this because you know someone who is not those people.


Why?


Because if one has an eating disorder, they may very likely be a perfectionist.
My name’s Delaney and I am a perfectionist (the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?).


I’ve been plagued with the need to be perfect for as long as I can remember. Don’t believe me? I brought proof (what can I say, I’m a perfectionist!).


When I was in kindergarten, our class had to make Mother’s Day cards with cut-outs of our traced feet that had flowers growing out of them (the inside of the card said, “I love you from the top of my head to the tip of my toes!” How cute).

Eating Disorder, Me? No Way!

by Adriana Karanec-Lewis

"I'm diagnosing you with anorexia" my psychiatrist told me. Anorexia I thought to myself. Me? No way, uh uh, no how. Sure I count my calories everyday, sure I exercise everyday, sure I always know what I weigh, sure I cut out processed sugar and alcohol from my diet, sure I get anxious when I am at a party or a restaurant, and sure I only use recipes that show the calorie count per serving. Yes my BMI is extremely low and I have no energy throughout the day but c'mon that doesn't mean I have an eating disorder. When I look at myself in the mirror I don't "see" an anorexic woman. I see someone who still has weight to lose in certain areas and could improve her appearance. But isn't that what most women think about themselves anyway? Don't all women want to be a single size digit and see double digits on the scale? Oh wait a minute, not all women are like that?

After my diagnosis it was time for me to face the hard truth. Just because I seem to not see myself as anorexic and just because no one in my circle of friends/family/acquaintances has ever come up to me and told me they are worried about my eating and my appearance does not mean I do not struggle with a disorder. After researching and talking to my therapists (yes, that is therapists plural) I realized that an eating disorder does not have one specific look. I may look like someone who is just lucky enough to be skinny but my behavior tells me otherwise. What started out as me wanting to lose weight after my third and final child soon became an issue of control. Not only do I have an eating disorder but I was diagnosed with post partum as well and so my eating habits became about being able to control one aspect of my life. I am a mother and wife and in charge of our household which as many know can be exhausting, daunting, stressful, emotional etc. So I used my exercise and eating as a way to feel in control of my life and I let it get out of hand. I deal with nightly sweats, have a hard time controlling my bladder, experience panic attacks when out in public, binge eat a few times a month to satisfy my sweet tooth that I suppress, and obsess over my eating throughout the day. You can imagine how this greatly interferes with my life as a mom and wife. I have very little energy to interact with my children, feel embarrassed around my husband, and choose to stay home most of the time instead of being social.

However, none of these has made me worry about myself or made me think that I needed to somehow get help and start recovering. What did cause me to finally seek help is when I almost passed out at work in front of a large group of children. I worked at an elementary school and this happened when I was helping in the cafeteria shortly after Halloween. When a co-worker came to my rescue and drove me home that was the very first time I admitted out loud to someone that I had a disorder. From that day on I tried to eat more protein and reach a higher number of calories than I normally did. I also started talking to my therapist about it, looked for support groups, and even looked into outpatient programs. The mom in me said there was no way I could do outpatient and leave me children behind. But in order to be a mom I knew I had to do something. My children are still young and I do not want to leave them motherless. They are my everything and I knew I had to somehow start accepting help. This summer I started equine therapy which I love more than sitting in an office rehashing my day with someone who may have an understanding of my disorder but can't really "get me." Working with horses puts me at ease and peace. I can whisper to them whatever is on my mind without judgement. They have a calming effect on me. For me this is a start and though I haven't changed much of my behavior I am slowly starting my own recovery process. In mid-August I came clean with my older two children as my husband felt they needed to understand as best they can what mom is going through. It has always been about my children and my road to recovery is for them. I could not imagine being gone from their life and not hearing 'I love you mom" anymore. As hard as recovery is and as much as I refuse help at times I know in my head and heart I have to continue on this recovery journey. People who suffer from any type of eating disorder must find that one thing in their life that is worth them living for and getting better for.
 
For more recovery stories, look for out Instagram project, Recovery Uncovered.

SMEDA Kicks Off 6 Month Project on Instagram

Kalamazoo, MI, August 16, 2017– Recovery Uncovered documents the recovery journey of several southwest Michigan individuals on Instagram


Southwest Michigan Eating Disorders Association or SMEDA, will be kicking off a unique community awareness project entitled “Recovery Uncovered” on September 1st 2017. The project, part curated art project, part resource directory and part recovery journal will document the powerful stories of recovery from an eating disorder of a number of people living in southwest Michigan. Their journeys will be documented on Instagram from September 2017 to February 2018. Each month will feature a different theme starting with “Setting the Intention” and ending with “A Life Worth Living.”  Along the way these survivors will document visually what it took to recover from their eating disorder.

“Recovery isn’t a straight trajectory up; there are ups and downs along the way. We wanted to document what that looked and felt like.” says SMEDA board member and caregiver parent, Angela Morris. Along the way, participants will share some of their favorite resources.

People can subscribe now to “Recovery Uncovered” by searching on Instagram or going to the SMEDA website at http://www.southwestmichiganeatingdisorders.org/ and signing up there to follow the journey as it unfolds. People seeking help and inspiration for their own journey to recovery will find this project helpful. As well as professionals, caregivers and others who want to have a better understanding of the effects of this terrible illness and the tremendous effort it takes to make the journey to recovery.

“We wanted to make sure the final theme for the project was ‘A Life Worth Living,’” explained Morris. “That was a phrase we frequently heard in therapy for my daughter. In the darkest times it was hard to imagine, but we wanted to present this journey to show people that there is hope and there is – most definitely – a life worth living out there waiting for each one of them.”

SMEDA is still accepting applications from eating disorder survivors, who would like to share their recovery journey as part of this project. Interested individuals should contact 123smeda@gmail.com .

Everything in Moderation, Including Moderation

by Kylie Jensen
Dietetics Student Senior WMU ED Survivor


Earlier today, a classmate of mine (and good friend) had posted an article on Facebook about the dangers of social media promoted orthorexia. While the article, “When being Healthy is Unhealthy,” by Nicole Schmidt from The Walrus (found here: https://thewalrus.ca/when-being-healthy-is-unhealthy/#.WUK3-XGk5Mg.twitter) had many good points, it boiled down the whole healthy body promotion of Instagram to the phrase, “Strong is the New Skinny.” As the article described, this phrase and mentality “strong is the new skinny” allows orthorexia to flourish and be praised in plain sight without friends, families, and followers noticing the development of this disease. After I finished reading this article, I read the comments.

Another classmate (and also a good friend) had agreed that, yes, the article raised some important points, but the methods many use to become healthier and their documentation on social media should not be punished as dangerous. Most importantly, she had discussed that it is possible to live a healthier lifestyle without pushing it to extreme measures.       Now, this article did contain some good food for thought and opportunity for discussion, but it really reminded me of a time when I had been prone to using the phrase “strong is the new skinny.”

In the summer of my junior year of high school, my parents told me they would drive me to any college I wanted for a tour. I was overly excited to begin my college career as a dietetics student so I eagerly made my list and packed my bags for a college tour road trip. Our first stop was Northern Michigan University, a beautiful school at the top of my list.      

During this time, Northern was still in the process of developing a dietetics program, so I did not necessarily see what I had wanted, I kind of plugged my ears and plastered a fake smile as I toured the campus. After a few hours of touring the various facilities and landscapes, my parents and I met with a professor who was head of the developing program that would cover dietetics. Again, this professor, although very nice was not what I was looking for. Being a stubborn high school student, I continued to sit completely absent-minded while my parents conversed with the professor. About half way through our time with her, she had said something that would change my life forever:            

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”               

At this point in my life, I had “begun” recovery from anorexia and bulimia and I still had a long ways to go. Looking back at it, my anorexia had mated with orthorexia at the beginning of this period of my life and end. I had used the “strong is the new skinny” approach to hide my troubles with my body image and promote my new “healthy lifestyle” while receiving praise from loved ones for doing so before and after my climax with anorexia.      

So at this point in my life, I had just passed my climax with Ana, and was convincing myself and those around me that I was recovering through excess amounts of working out and still strict dieting to be strong instead of skinny. Immediately after this professor, God bless her, had spoke those words, I became present again.      

Through years to come, I became a dietetics student at Western Michigan University, and a fully recovered individual from anorexia and bulimia nervosa. Although the reasons for me wanting to become a dietitian had greatly changed with recovery, this phrase still prompts me to stop and think.      

We often say, “everything in moderation,” to justify our behaviors that others and ourselves disagree with. We may say it before eating something our current diet restricts or considers a “bad food.” We may even say it to others as a response to their comments on our “lifestyle change” that had prompted quick weight loss. We may say it and have said for a multitude of reasons, but phrases like this one and ‘strong is the new skinny” should not have to be used to justify our behavior.             

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”                 

It may seem confusing, but moderation and this justifying of our actions should also be in moderation. What happens when someone with orthorexia hiding behind the “everything in moderation phrase” actually listens to herself? Does she actually enjoy the cupcake instead of half-heartedly convincing herself it is okay to eat this once because of moderation? Does he consider his “lifestyle” change could use some moderation in itself?      

If we begin moderating our moderation, maybe our relationship with others and ourselves and food could be whole-hearted. Maybe we could actually enjoy something without having to justify our actions to ourselves. Food for thought.

 

Movie--Trigger Warning

by Angela Morris

A new movie, entitled To the Bone,  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5541240/, will start on Netflix July 14th. It is described as a “dramedy” or comedy drama about a young woman dealing with anorexia.  The various merits of the show can be discussed later, but as someone who may be intimately involved with caring for someone or personally dealing with an eating disorder, it is important to note that this movie may be “triggering.”


Recently, my niece asked me what “triggering” meant since she heard it around our house a lot. Here is the break down I gave her. Probably the classic use of the word triggering comes from work with people suffering from PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. A person with PTSD may be a war veteran who was in a war zone where there was a lot of bombing. Now out of the war zone and back home, loud noises, like fireworks, could potentially “trigger” that person. Once triggered, basically all of the feelings that came with being in the war zone flood your body again, essentially putting you right back into that place.
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-are-ptsd-triggers#1


However, for eating disorders, “trigger” is used a little differently. Our family’s understanding of this came when we traveled to Washington, D.C. to advocate for better treatment for eating disorders during a nationally organized event. It was the first time my child was around a lot of other people who all struggled with the same issue; all in a variety of states of recovery. That exposure lead to a much different outcome than we had expected. Rather than the sense of empowerment we hoped that lobbying on behalf of the issue would bring, instead the reaction we got after my daughter scanned the room was, “I don’t deserve to be here. I’m not sick enough.” Thus we learned how damaging the “trigger” of comparison can be when not completely recovered.


Even well-meaning books and movies, that want to describe someone’s journey through the illness, can be used as a “manual” for eating disorders. (http://www.alloy.com/well-being/eating-disorder-memoirs-and-books-helpful-or-triggering-910/  And visuals like those found in movies like To the Bone, while purporting to raise awareness, for some may actually be making it worse. According to Christine Morgan, Butterfly Foundation chief executive  “We know that images of people who are seriously ill with an eating disorder are powerful triggers. We also know that these images can inspire copycat behavior, especially for those suffering with Anorexia Nervosa.”
http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/health/new-netflix-movie-to-the-bone-criticised-by-body-image-experts-for-promoting-anorexia/news-story/d06d2c2344096eb73c41f967ed858622


As anyone recovering from an eating disorder will tell you, our weight obsessed society holds plenty oftriggers that can derail a person’s recovery. Here are some great tips from NEDA on how to deal with triggers in general: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/3-tips-coping-triggers-eating-disorder-recovery  In terms of this upcoming movie, each person will have to determine what they are able to view safely, but it is important to be aware that the same content won’t be experienced the same way by everyone.


Note: If you are interested in sharing information or a perspective from a caregiver or survivor point of view in an upcoming blog post, we want to hear from you. Contact 123smeda@gmail.com.

A Survivor's Story of How Words Can Help or Hurt

by Kylie Jensen
Dietetics Student Senior WMU ED Survivor


When I was in high school, my mom would pack me the most beautiful salads you have ever seen. The lunch ladies used to compliment how beautiful and healthy the salads looked and early in my junior year, one lunch lady had asked me if I was trying to lose weight. A minor thing to discuss really, since my struggle with orthorexia, anorexia nervosa, and then bulimia nervosa have been promoted, like most, from a multitude of things.


Many of people have interviewed me about my experience and many fellow classmates and friends have asked for my story. And they always ask, “What started it.”


I hold all the traits of the typical ED survivor:


    •    Genetics: a bad relationship with food and eating disorders run in my family.
    •    Competitive sport: I was a competitive dancer for 16 years.
    •    Intellectually inclined: I graduated high school with a 4.6.


I could continue to list off some of these characteristics, but I think you get the point.


So when I began to open up about my story and reflect on what really did ‘start’ it, I began to notice patterns. My struggle began with a repeat of one simple comment, “have you lost some weight? You look so good.” Now I am sure a lot of people would just love to have someone ask them this, but this type of comment makes me sick.


As humans, we are already so fragile and when Ana began to control my body and mind, I reached my breaking point. I lived two separate lives. The “good” life where I went to school smiling about the new way I looked, telling everyone about how healthy I ate and how good it has made me feel, and preaching about my new amazing way of life on social media. This kept the compliments coming, and Ana happy. But then when I was home alone in my room, running my hands up and down my chest noticing bones I have never before, Google searching and Instagram searching “anorexia” and shaking it off, wiping the tears away, I was living the “bad” life.


Ana left me in constant debate with myself. The devil on my shoulder grew big and strong screaming in my ear, “you look great, but not great enough. You are better now, but not the best.” While the angel on my shoulder shrunk smaller and smaller whispering, “you are stronger than this. You are not okay. You are not yourself.”


Now, as I finished my Junior year of College, four years later, I can’t help but think how things would have been different if that lunch lady had asked how I felt instead of if I was trying to lose weight. Maybe, I would have told her I wasn’t. Maybe I would have told her I felt great but she wouldn’t believe me, and get me help. Maybe, my struggle would have ended a lot sooner.


If we stopped commenting on other people’s weight loss/gain and asked instead, “hey how do you feel? How you doing lately?” could we help eliminate ED? If we notice people really restricting themselves nutritionally, judging their body in the bathroom mirror, and asked them this simple question, we could change someone’s life. We could help them when their little angel on their shoulder is crying out for help.


I am trying to be the person I wish I had. It does not take a toll on someone to just ask them if they are okay and really listen. I hope that any one who reads this will understand how greatly our words and actions impact everyone around us. Be the person who takes ten seconds to ask someone if they are okay. Be the person to notice that maybe they’re not. Be the person you would have wanted yourself to have when there was a moment in life where you were at your breaking point.

 

My Son Has an Eating Disorder

In the beginning...


by Lynne


As I sit here trying to write my first BLOG ever, I have all these emotions and feelings swirling around in my head. What do I say and where do I begin?


Four years ago my son, who was a freshman in high school, was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I was numb. How could this happen? What did I do wrong? He was always such a good kid. Well liked, good grades, thoughtful and honest. My happy go lucky kid never showed any signs of the turmoil that was brewing inside of him. I remember thinking "but he's a boy; this only happens to girls." I soon found out that ED has no gender preference and that there is a rise in eating disorders among males.


Our son came to me one day and told me that he thought something was wrong. Ever since watching the 2012 Summer Olympics, he had been cutting out fat and sugar from his diet in an attempt to become more healthy, but he was losing weight and strength. Tiny little hairs had appeared on his arms and the back of his neck. Apparently, this new hair, called lanugo, was a way for the body to keep warm. He also had patches of very dry skin.


After our conversation, I went on the Internet and did some research. As I researched, I realized that what my son was saying pointed to an eating disorder. I went into his room and told him that I looked online and that he should do the same. He was not very receptive and told me to leave. The next day he came to me and said he did look online and he realized that he had most of the symptoms of anorexia nervosa. We decided to visit his pediatrician. He referred us to a doctor who specialized in eating disorders. I now realize how important it is to have a good medical team consisting of a doctor, therapist, and a dietician. All three should specialize in eating disorders and communicate on a regular basis regarding the patient.


We were in the middle of baseball season and the end of soccer season. Watching my son struggle with running, kicking a soccer ball, catching and hitting a baseball was very hard to do. His body was deteriorating. He was always so strong and very athletic. Every movement he performed now seemed to be in slow motion. As parents, we all had to contribute to dinner for the team after games. Our son, who always ate anything, was now very picky and would not eat the dinners provided. He mostly stuck to granola bars. Later we found out that his baseball coach had provided him with an App to monitor fat and calories in foods. He had it on his phone and used it regularly to cut calories out of his diet. Other people noticed something was wrong. As parents, we decided to stop all sports. It was his idea to tell his coaches and team members what he was going through. We were so proud of him.


Within a few weeks, our son was hospitalized for 13 days. His heart rate and blood pressure were critically low. After his release, our real journey began. How do we help our son? What is the right thing to do? What should we do and what shouldn't we do? As a mom, I felt all alone in this process. My husband and my other son really didn't understand. I'm not sure if I understood either. All I knew was that this was very real to my son. It was really affecting his life. I missed the way he used to be and wanted to see him smile again. I read what I could on the Internet and books in search of coping skills. I had just started working a full time job and decided to go part time in order to allow me to be home more.


With summer just beginning, my son would be home all day. ED had also taken away his desire to be social. Before ED, he was always with friends and doing social things. Now he had no desire to do much of anything. Much of the day was spent in anticipation of the next time he would have to eat something. He always seemed to be in distress. Jigsaw puzzles and word puzzles helped him get through the time in between meals. I had to plan my day around being home for meals/snacks and doctor appointments. We had a meal plan to follow and he was not able, or allowed, to prepare them on his own. My whole world was now focused on getting calories and nutrition back into my son's body and getting him the psychological help he needed. I often wondered how long this journey would last. I needed to get a handle on this disorder and figure out the best way to help my son. I felt so alone and helpless. In looking back now, everything we went through was a necessary part of the healing process.

Recovery Heroes

by Aubrey Butts


An eating disorder is like a cocoon. Nothing can hurt you inside this cocoon. It’s the bargain that an eating disorder strikes to make giving literally everything else in your life. At least it won’t hurt. At least the outside world can’t touch you.


I’ve come to learn I’m what I call, a “feeler.” I feel things deeply, I feel things quickly, and I sometimes feel things so erratically, I can’t quite establish its root cause. For “feelers,” this cocoon is essentially a dream. I now had a “blanket” to hide away in and my extreme feelings were now numbed. I no longer identified as a “feeler.” In fact, I nearly felt downright psychopathic, lacking any sense of empathy or longing for human contact.


I lived like this for quite awhile. Nothing could touch me.  Of course, what they don’t tell you, is the larger your cocoon becomes, the smaller the contents inside become. Both literally and figuratively.


I no longer knew how to take up space. I was unquestionably terrified of it. My body became smaller. The way I sat took as little space as possible. Sorry’s ended my sentences like periods. My voice became quieter and quieter until I nearly lost it completely. But I was enmeshed so deeply in my cocoon, I couldn’t see this as a problem. It was, in my opinion, what I was supposed to do. Deserved to do.


The first chink into my cocoon came during my experience in a treatment center with a Skype call with my sister. Family therapy was a part of the treatment center’s program. My parents kindly drove up a few times for meetings, but my sister couldn’t. Instead, we were able to set up a Skype session with her to discuss her experience with my disorder, how it affected her and anything else that needed to be processed. In my worldview, my sister was Beyoncé.
I loved her with as deep a love as I feared and envied her. Things always seemed to be so easy and perfect for her, which I now realized was only with a lot of effort and strong work ethic. But in my disordered and damaged brain, she seemed to have a life I would kill for. Plus she was blonde, beautiful, had an incredible boyfriend and could eat and drink anything she wanted without fear.


As invincible as I felt, I knew she was more so. No way had my struggles affected her. She was hardly home when I was growing up…


And this, I learned was because of my disorder.


My disorder had become a fire that consumed all of the time, care and attention from my parents. The fires in our home burned my parents into ash, but my sister also smelled smoke. Instead, she fled the fire like any logical person would, building a world outside of the embers. Who could blame her? But I hadn’t realized how difficult and frightening this had all been for her.


Hearing her side of the last few years created a little crack into my cocoon. Suddenly the weight of what I had done wasn’t protected from me anymore.


The relationship with my sister has been complicated, to say the least. But the time I’m able to spend with her, the meals we’ve shared, the advice and support I’ve received, and the utter joy I get in seeing her life unfold has been one of the biggest motivators to me. Yes, she is the Beyoncé in my world, but just as Beyoncé is a role model and inspiration to so many (including me, duh…) so is my sister.


In honor of all of the important support people who have helped people during their recovery, NEDA, Project HEAL and Recovery Spark have created this wonderful video called Recovery Heroes for Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Check it out. And if you would like to contribute a blog post about and important support person who has helped you during your recovery or any other topic contact SMEDA at 123smeda@gmail.com.

28 Things Gained in Recovery

by Aubrey Butts


And yes, the pun with the word gained is intended. Because here’s the thing, the importance of weight gain in recovery from an eating disorder is a given. Even in non-restrictive type eating disorder recovery, there may be some form of weight fluctuations or maintenance required. Another way to phrase this is that in losing the attachment to weight and any notion of controlling one’s body shape one gains life. For the sake of argument, this definition is the one I mean when I discuss “gaining weight.”


With Eating Disorder Awareness Week coming up in the month of February, I wanted to reflect on a year of what may arguably be my most solid time of recovery since developing an eating disorder at age nine. Had there been slips and lapses and more? Yes. This year,  although it had its weight fluctuations, meal plans, and other indicators traditionally thought of as parts of recovery, was marked more by living, the true measure of success in recovery from an eating disorder.


So, here they are: 28 things I gained in my recovery from an eating disorder. Some are general and may hopefully resonate with you; others are personal accomplishments that can be taken as examples of what the “other side” may look like. Consider using the days leading up to Eating Disorder Awareness Week to reflect on your own “gains,” regardless of what stage of recovery you, or your loved one is in.


    1.    Spring break trip to Austin, Texas full of tacos, tequila, pizza, yoga and dancing.
    2.    Establishing two weekly yoga classes to teach.
    3.    Giving the dream of being a roller derby girl a try.
    4.    Actually attempting to date.
    5.    Sitting with a “binge” or the discomfort of fullness and not engaging in compensatory behaviors.
    6.    Enjoying an ice hockey game with my best friend and not freezing the entire time.
    7.    Being around to see my hero and first female run for President.
    8.    Subbing for many yoga classes a week (being trusted to do so).
    9.    Visiting my sister and being able to go out for pizza and beer.
    10.    Waking up in the morning, enjoying the sunrise and not having my first thoughts being consumed with B/P behaviors.
    11.    Developing many self-care rituals.
    12.    Increasing communication with important individuals in both day to day interactions and high stress, high conflict scenarios.
    13.    Little moments of not just body peace, but body confidence.
    14.    Going to the beach in the summer and wearing a bikini.
    15.    Honesty in therapy.
    16.    Taking on a job in food service and not being fearful the entire time.
    17.    Learning to be a barista and being able to memorize complicated drink orders and manage stress and urges during a rush.
    18.    Having the strength to run and the awareness when the desire to run or workout is driven by my eating disorder.
    19.    Being asked to be my sister’s maid of honor.
    20.    Re-establishing my relationship with my sister.
    21.    Being honest about my past and current struggle with friends and on social media and getting the resounding sound of support.
    22.    Recognizing toxic or damaging relationships and beginning to believe I deserve better.
    23.    Gaining closure in a past toxic relationship, as well as being able to reestablish old friendships.
    24.    Going back to school after much anxiety and finally finding a program and plan that works for me.
    25.    Eating chocolate.
    26.    Food flexibility--knowing that I can choose what to eat and be radically okay with my choices (still a process daily).
    27.    A successful, behavior-free Thanksgiving spent with family and enjoying pumpkin pie.
    28.    Identifying as an optimist because I had seen the darkest of days, fallen too many times to count, but have seen the kindness in others and the way the sun always comes back, to believe there is another day to try and I choose to be around for it.

 

Why I Support This Cause--It's Personal

by Kristin Fiore, Down Dog Yoga Center


Yoga has provided me with a tangible tool to facilitate acceptance, self-love, and healing in my body. As Donna Farhi writes in her book Bringing Yoga to Life, “Through daily Yoga practice we become present to our own fundamental goodness and the goodness of others. It is the practice of observing clearly, listening acutely, and skillfully responding to the moment with all the compassion we can muster. And it is a homecoming with and in the body for it is only here that we can do all these things.” This connection of body, mind, and spirit is key as one begins to address different aspects of an eating disorder.


As a late teen suffering from an eating disorder, I found my way into treatment in a clinical setting where I sat in an examination room for medical tests or a chair for counseling sessions. In this way, I continued to feel detached from my body as there was a lack of physical participation in the process and I found it difficult to navigate the emotional connections I was making in counseling with the actual changing of habits in my body.


It wasn’t until I began practicing Yoga that the deeper process of healing and recovery began. I didn’t sit and talk about my feelings, I experienced them as I engaged my strength and stretched my limits. For the first time I had access to my thoughts and feelings through my body, not despite it. As movement connected with breath, I found a place inside of me that was always steady. As I developed greater awareness of the flow of prana within me, I began to feel empowered and beautiful. This quote from Nita Rubio’s essay in the book Yoga and Body Image sums it up nicely, “As you learn to move with the internal energies, you learn how to move with life’s flow. Beauty emanates from here because it is deeply rooted from within. This beauty is not one based on a standardized list of perfection. Nor does it reference an ideal. This beauty is based on feeling. Beauty is an experience.”


Yoga is an experiential practice that uses mindfulness techniques to bridge the gap between body and mind. As we begin to feel the connection between the different aspects of our being, we open ourselves up to process, change, surrender, and accept. The healing benefits of Yoga are many in my personal experience, and recent studies show Yoga may help relieve depression, anger, and anxiety and improve mood (Harvard Health Publications). Yoga also promotes greater self-awareness, self-esteem and positive body image through the cultivation of love, acceptance, non-violence, and unity. In addition, the physical poses of Yoga help the body build muscle, bone density, and aid in digestion which may be helpful during recovery from an eating disorder and for general overall health.


As we begin to explore the healing benefits of Yoga it is necessary to practice with compassion for what may arise and to seek guidance from a trusted and well informed teacher as needed. It is important to practice in a safe and non-competitive environment. Exploring the edge in a yoga pose in a healthy way, not by pushing the body but learning to stay with an uncomfortable sensation and find breath, may be useful when someone is feeling full and resisting the urge to purge or compensate or when they are experiencing strong emotion. Anastasia Nevin says, “Bringing yoga into eating disorder recovery is a way to access memories, messages, and wisdom stored in the body that are not always accessible in more traditional forms of talk therapy. The ultimate goal of recovery is in fact Yoga: re-connecting and integrating all parts of the self to live a more intuitive, peaceful, and soulful life.” (Live Fit article, “The Role of Yoga in Treating Eating Disorders”)


I have found that the routine practice of Yoga allows me to be consistent, loving, and stable in body, mind, and spirit. Throughout my years teaching and studying, I have worked with many others who also find it to be a useful therapeutic tool. Yoga poses can be modified to suit each individual’s needs depending on where one is in treatment or recovery of an eating disorder, and the use of breathing techniques, mindful meditation, and movement make this a great holistic treatment to compliment more traditional forms of therapy.


According to the National Eating Disorders Association, ten million females and one million males in the United States are struggling with an eating disorder. So what can you do? In the Kalamazoo area, SMEDA is trying to make a difference and you can support our upcoming Coffee + Compassion Fundraiser and get involved with this group. Please help us raise funds and awareness for this important cause! Share this post and feel free to reach out to me personally with any questions about SMEDA or how Yoga may be helpful in eating disorder recovery. Together we can make a difference!


Down Dog Yoga Center is selling tickets for Southwest Michigan Eating Disorders Association's fundraiser - a Coffee Tasting, Brunch, and Silent Auction on February 11 from 9:30am to Noon at the Kalamazoo Riverview Launch. Tickets are $35 and can be purchased at our front desk or online through the SMEDA website.

 

Art Hop News

Eligible individuals: Currently struggling with an ED, have recovered from an ED, family members that have been involved with the care and well being of a loved one during their struggle with an ED, and health professionals that are a part of ED care teams (The art and the accompanying paperwork needs to be submitted to one of the healthcare providers on your ED recovery team.)

Since we have extended the deadline for several projects, we are extending the deadline to everyone. (After all, it is only fair.) However, if you will need us to provide a temporary frame for the art exhibit it will need to arrive, with the filled out form, in the next two weeks. If your work is a digital arrangement, we will need it on a flash drive, with the accompanying software if needed (and the filled out form - which can be sent electronically - but not on the flash card) within the next three weeks to make sure that we have the time to prep. If your work will already be framed or does not need to be framed, please provide it and the required paperwork to your health professional (or have them confirm your status) no latter than January 20, 2017.

Mirror project: What we see in a mirror is a social construct. We will have a group piece comprised of individual submissions. If you are local and wish to be a part of the mirror collection, along with the authorization paperwork, you need to submit an altered/enhanced mirror with positive messages on the mirror, so that as you look at the mirror you see yourself and the messages that uplift and positively support you and the reflection you see in the mirror. Though it is a group project and therefore your name will not be posted for public viewing, it will be posted on the back of your mirror so that it may be returned. Consequently, it is still important to fill out the information on how you would like to be identified, so that those setting up and dismantlement the exhibit see the identifier you choose to use.)
http://www.southwestmichiganeatingdisorders.org/art-hop-2017

Comfort and Joy

by Angela Morris

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of having a loved one with an eating disorder is watching them suffer the many mental and physical pains and afflictions both large and small that this cruel disease visits on a person. So in this season of hope and new beginnings a number of caregivers in the area created this list of items that provide some measure of what we are calling “comfort and joy.” These are the items that come out of our bag of tricks to help make things more bearable, to create distractions during times of anxiety,  and to bring some comfort.
The first category of items are helpful for distraction. They include games like Uno, Bananagrams, Scategories, and Monopoly. In our home the game of choice was Bananagrams. We played it after mealtime as a distraction. Eventually no one wanted to play Bananagrams with my daughter because they knew she always won. Other helpful distractions include listening to music and watching television. A number of caregivers mentioned that coloring was a terrific distraction. All those “adult coloring books” on the market can serve as a distraction as well as a great calming activity. Artistic activities are a great ways to distract as well as express feelings. We bought our daughter a box of art supplies that she used for a variety of art projects. Suggestions for an art box include sharpie pens, playdough or modeling clay, paper, and collaging supplies. Another helpful activity is writing or journaling. Having a blank journal to write in is much appreciated, but there are also some nice books like The Ritteroo Journal for Eating Disorders Recovery that provide jumping off topics for journaling towards recovery.
Note that if you or a loved one has created a piece of art through their stages of recovery we would like to exhibit it during our upcoming Art Hop in February. For more information on exhibiting your art work click here.
Besides distraction there is the desire to provide some level of comfort for a loved one suffering from an eating disorder. Some of the big issues during recovery are discomfort during “re-feeding” and also the inability of the body to stay warm. Try extra warm and cuddly clothing as well as electric blankets and heating pads.  Electric blankets and heating pads provide both warmth and can be soothing for the stomach pain during re-feeding. Massage is also very soothing.
The idea of massage brings me to what I would consider the next level of comfort or care. As a caregiver or loved one of someone who suffers from an eating disorder knows there can be a great deal of self-loathing and feelings of unworthiness. I have seen this translate into a hesitation to be touched or to allow anyone to show affection and a lack of caring for oneself. So I view the acceptance of a massage or other “self-care” activities as progress towards recovery and healing. Talking to my daughter, she found helpful activities during the early part of her recovery included taking the time to paint her nails, face masks and wearing small “trinkets” or pretty pieces of jewelry especially bracelets or rings. All of these were pretty pick-me-ups and reinforced that she deserved to do nice things for herself, but they had the secondary reinforcement of serving as physical reminders to resist eating disorder behaviors.
Finally, I want to touch on joy. I know that individuals struggling with an eating disorder, as well as their family and friends, probably can’t even imagine the concept of “joy” but I want to provide a small glimmer of hope that joy does exist and will continue to grow stronger every day. Two things my daughter said to me recently resonate as I think about finding joy. The first was that at her sickest moments, she said that she felt so diseased, loathsome and foul that she did not want anyone near her because she was afraid she would contaminate them somehow. I imagine that is a common thought and the result was desperate loneliness that was very hard to break through. As I think back over the things that brought some joy, there were things that could break through that tremendous isolation and suffering… one of those things was animals. I think that may have been because an animal never judges them and somehow does not conform to the “rules” of their disease. The other thing my daughter recently said was that she felt like much of her childhood was stolen by her eating disorder. So now here is my secret weapon: find something that allows your loved one to fully be a child or to be a child again. For us it was a trip to Disney. We found that you just cannot stress about what you are eating when Pooh is there to hug you. So much better than any treatment center we have been to!
So that is our list and we want to wish you and your family much comfort and joy this holiday season. If you do decide to make any purchases this holiday season please consider using the SMEDA Amazon Smiles link here for Amazon purchases. That way your purchases help support better treatment, outreach and education for eating disorders.
Remember if you wish to be in direct contact with a Caregiver Mentor for advice and support contact 123smeda@gmail.com and you will be put in contact with a mentor.
If you are interested in writing a guest blog as a caregiver or survivor, please contact 123smeda@gmail.com

 

Resources and Tips

by Beth Van den Hombergh

Hi Everyone, Here are some resources and tips that our family have found helpful. Click here for a 2 page PDF copy.
On-line Resources:
    •    Southwest Michigan Eating Disorders Association http://www.southwestmichiganeatingdisorders.org
    •    Around the Dinner Table, www.aroundthedinnertable.org (international support group, lots of YouTube clips, books, personal stories, what worked, what didn’t.) My favorite
    •    (F.E.A.S.T.) Families Empowered & Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders (international support group) http://members.feast-ed.org/members/group.aspx?id=121202
    •    ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) http://www.anad.org/forum/viewtopic.php?id=1466 Topic: When someone you love has an eating disorder: How to help an anorexic… by an anorexic.
    •    ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) http://www.anad.org/forum/search.php?search_id=468911715 Topic: When someone you love has an eating disorder: What I wish they could know….
Books: (Phase I)
    •    Throwing Starfish Across the Sea: A pocket-sized care package for the loved ones and caregivers of someone with an eating disorder. Written by Charlotte Bevan and Laura Collins. My favorite, played a huge role in moving from phase I to phase II of recovery.
    •    Brave Girl Eating: A Family’s Struggle with Anorexia by Harriet Brown
    •    Help Your Teenager Beat An Eating Disorder by James Lock, MD, Ph.D. and Daniel Le Grange, Ph.D.
    •    Off the Cuff:  Therapist recommended and well received by other SMEDA caregivers. I liked the book and chose not to purchase it because I was already sifting through so many resources, and using strategies. The book can be ordered directly from Duke University at http://www.dukeeatingdisorders.com/#!parent-resource/xspz4
    •    Finding your Voice Through Creativity:  The art and journaling workbook for disordered eating by Mindy Jacobsen-Levy and Maureen Foy-Tourney. My friend's daughter who had an ED and recovered found this book to be a favorite.
    •    The Dialectic Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Bulimia by Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher and Michael Maslar
    •    The Secret Language of Eating Disorders byPeggy Claude-Pierre
Books: (Phase II)
    •    Why she feels fat by Johanna Marie McShane and Tony Paulson
    •    Talking to Eating Disorders: Simple Ways to Support Someone with Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, or Body Image Issues  by Jeanne Albronda Heaton, and Claudia J. Strauss
* Please be very selective about the books and resources your loved one may have access to because they may inadvertently provide strategies for becoming better at hiding their eating disorder and/or engaging in additional self-harm.
Tips & Strategies:
    •    Medical doctor who specializes in and/or has a proven track record in the eating disorders community, for working with the age and gender of your loved one.
    •    Therapist who specializes in the treatment of individuals with anorexia, preferably one with a proven track record in the eating disorders community, for working with the age and gender of your loved one.
    •    Dietitian who specializes in the treatment of individuals with anorexia, preferably one with a proven track record in the eating disorders community, for working with the age and gender of your loved one. If your dietitian is not providing you with meal plans, specific details regarding options and portion sizes, please seriously consider working with another dietitian. Your insurance company will most likely not cover this, and finding a good dietitian has been critical in our daughter’s recovery process. It was the best $125 we’ve ever spent, and we experienced significant results after one appointment.
    •    Counseling for self: Seeking this service for yourself may seem like an unnecessary arduous hurdle, especially in the beginning stages of managing an eating disorder diagnosis. The therapy I have received to help me assist our daughter and other family members in understanding the illness and facilitating recovery has been immeasurable, and has played a pivotal role in our daughter’s recovery progress.
YouTube: (short videos)
    •    Eating Disorders Meal Support: chapter one (Introduction) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnyIF750w5U&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2
    •    Eating Disorders Meal Planning: chapter two https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0vjhmSbgjc&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2&index=2
    •    Eating Disorders Meal Preparation: chapter three   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL1-1M50hys&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2&index=3
    •    Eating Disorders Meal Support: chapter four https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7gyifpv4o4&index=4&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2
    •    Eating Disorders Post Meal: chapter five https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40hDoISrNw4&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2&index=5
    •    Eating Disorders Conclusion: chapter six https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3CYEG-pHtg&list=PL21D7E85D804263B2&index=6